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| Today was my “farewell lunch” day from my coworker here at George Fox. I really have had a love hate relationship with my coworkers, but the lunch today was a somber one. I really hate to leave Colin. I have developed a great friendship with this man and I am sure it will continue since he lives across the street from some other friends of ours, but leaving someone you work that well with and have a ton in common is hard. I really don’t like getting emotional on departure, so hopefully they don’t see that as me not caring that I am leaving them behind. I could really feel Rick’s frustration. I think he is a little butt-hurt about me leaving, and is freezing me out. I just hate this part of the transition though.
I guess the prospects of my new job keep me in good spirits though. I have been waiting for a job like this since graduation from OSU. I love what I do as a graphic designer and I am really looking forward to working with others who love their jobs just as much. I am going to be loosing more home-time and ZIBA will assuredly want me to stay really late on occasion, but just the prospect of working on some key projects collaborating with other awesome designers gives me chills. I know that I probably sound retarded right now, but I am more excited about the workplace and the opportunity to learn more about design than the raise in pay. Praise God for the raise though — it was a great blessing at just the time we needed it.
I really love the relationship that I am having with God right now. God is really showing me how much I can rely on him and it is really freeing when the Lord make himself very visible. In other parts of my Christian walk I would read books, read my bible, and do other things to keep myself good, but something was missing, something was still a little confining. I felt like I wasn’t really relying on God for anything but a warm fuzzy feeling that I got when I didn’t fall into sin. I would rely on my 3-hour bible studies to feel sanctified and it almost became my pennants. I wasn’t serving though. I would either serve the church, or serve myself, and I really didn’t find God in any of those things because I really relied on my own intellect, effort and strength. I really love that my wife and I can make a collaborative decision for her to quit her job — knowing that we wouldn’t have enough money to pay the bills — and have God bless what she is doing as an intercity children’s minister, bless what I love to do as a graphic designer, and provide for us financially. I wasn’t an easy transition and I had a lot of doubt, but I really think of doubting Thomas. Christ could have called him an unbeliever and walked away, but He didn’t — He showed Thomas His hands because He knew that it was what Thomas needed to believe and feel loved. Christ knew that I needed to see these blessings to fully believe and feel loved. Now I know that I can take risks to be obedient to my Lord. When we trust him in the crazy things He really shines for us so we know of His love. Risking on Christ is freeing and I praise Him for that freedom.
Please pray for me as I start this new job at ZIBA and also pray for the salvation of my Brother Brian and his girlfriend Julie. She saw us praying for our food and mentioned how she thought it was cool that we would give thanks for our food. I hope that it develops into more curiosity and I pray that our lives glorify God and let them see Him.
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| Well…It has been awhile and my brother is still ailing from his weird unidentifiable disease. Every day I call him hoping to hear that he is getting better or has heard some positive news from the doctor — but no, I hear about how he has got up every morning this last week to puke and probably wont get any more hospital results till Monday. I guess all of his blood work came back okay, so it could be a bigger issue. I really love my brother though and hate to see him going through something so frustrating. I really hope that when I tell him that I am praying it makes a difference. I can honestly say that I am more concerned with his salvation and hope that God will use this sickness to reveal Himself to Brian. I can tell that my brother has a heart like mine — a heart for justice, but in my brothers case he is doing a lot of criticizing and not a lot of action. The biggest thing that interests my brother right now is BTown Kids and nightstrike. He has told me on multiple occasions that he would come and serve with me any day but would be reluctant to attend a church service with me. I have no problem with this. The only problem is getting him to come up sometime so he can. Just continue to pray for him — for his healing and to see the wonder of God’s love and salvation.
I am doing well. I am trying to get prepped up for this new job. I just bought my first new Macintosh. It was a weird feeling since every other computer I have ever owned was either used or built by piecing together parts from Frys. I got a free IPOD MINI out of the deal so I gave it to my wife. She wanted the pink one so the guy at the register gave me a weird look when I asked for a pink one. I hoped that it would quell our ongoing debate about when she wanted to get a laptop she couldn’t, but again we had the conversation. I really want my wife to feel blessed and not cheated. This is the whole reason I wanted to give the Ipod for her. I love her so much and I know that it is hard for her to see me needing to get a lot of new things to get ready for this new job. The job does pay more but with that increased pay is an increased expectation of both my dress and availability. This means I have to go out and spend money on new clothes — I really hate doing this because I can never find things my size and go home feeling like some sort of social reject — but I need to do it so that I will not be branded on the first day at my new job. I will let her do the same if she is given the opportunity and knowing me I will probably let her go out and get some clothes with the little bit of extra income I will be making as a teacher.
I just hate buying clothes though — I personally see it as such a waste of cash. They depreciate a ton, you have to get the latest trends, and they are costly. What a market. You could make some serious bling if you make a hit clothing line.
One thing I do thing is hilarious is brand loyalty to a clothing line. Being a graphic designer I get the pleasure of standing back and understanding how brands work and its funny to see people get offended if you insult their brand, because in their mind the brand is so much more than clothes, it’s a lifestyle that is sold to them so by insulting their brand you are insulting their lifestyle. It’s funny to go up to Josh and see his reaction when someone says Ambercrombie and Finch instead of Abercrombie and Fitch. He gets a little pissed. I mean he did probably lay down some serious cash for those clothes and doesn’t want to hear that he bought into a lifestyle rather than good clothes. He is a good sport though. We do love him. OKAAAAAAY.
I guess I am no better though by getting a Macintosh. I did need to get one for work but owning a Macintosh immediately throws you into a crowd with creative professionals. I guess I am a creative professional, but I have used a PC for a long time and now I “need” to get a Mac. This is what society and the industry says it the proper computer for a designer, but all of the programs are available for a PC so I guess I am also buying into a lifestyle. I am branding myself as a proper designer — although I am nothing close to a proper designer. I guess this is why I also need to get a new wardrobe. I am now working for one of the top design consultancies in the nation, so I better look like a top-rung designer with my Macintosh. This is such a strange transformation for a kid who liked to draw in the country.
Sorry to go off on a rant about branding, but I love what I do and I often get into deep discussion about it. Please continue to pray for my brother Brian and pray that God reveals himself to him through healing or my interactions with him. Pray for Jennie as she drives down to Grants Pass to be with family and friends this week. For safe passage and that she won’t have to spend a ton of money on gas and food. My first class soon so pray that I don’t mess things up too bad. Thanks for your prayers and blessings.
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| God’s blessings are abundant.
Jennie and I have been scrounging for the extra cash needed to do the little things and we have still seemed to get ourselves in the hole by $100. It is really hard when you have a wife who is doing a great ministry, but in order to do that ministry we have to take a cooperative cut. We have really been praying for opportunities for me to do freelance and other things to make ends meet. I have been trying to sell the jeep, work extra time, and encourage Jennie to get on her prayer letters. I really felt like the spirit wanted me to chill. To make this story even weirder I was talking with a homeless lady (Karen) about feeling down at work and being tired all the time, and she lit up and told me that she felt that the spirit was moving and that there was going to be a change in my life. Karen has a phone with a direct connection to God — it’s the only way I can explain it. I have gotten to know her and Ben pretty well in the past four months down at nightstrike. I have really bonded with Ben and feel that my purpose is to serve him by praying with him and giving him encouragement. On the flip side they pray for me and encourage me as well. I really consider them my friends … although they can be a little kooky at times.
To the blessings…
Last week I was notified that some design work that I had done for George Fox was going to be included in the 2005 Print magazine Design Annual. This is a huge deal for me since it gives me national and international recognition.
Last Sunday I went to church with Marshal at the AG church in Newberg, and I felt the presence of the Lord there while we worshiped, and that feeling is awesome. I would recommend it to anyone.
Jennie was able to fix our dryer. A $12 MIRACLE.
I got a good e-mail response from my dad regarding me telling him something that I felt the spirit lead me to tell him. He called me a jewel in his crown of fatherhood. This is another miracle since my dad is about the least affectionate person you can meet. I hope that he is opening his heart up to the fact that God loves him. I hope these seeds I keep planting get into some good soil one of these days.
Then yesterday I got a call. Ziba design in the Portland pearl district offered me a senior or level2 designer position. Not only does it pay 1.75 time more than I am making now, but it is a perfect place for someone with my ambition to grow and learn more about my field and design. These people are awesome and I really look forward to working on some killer projects with them. The drive will suck, and the dress code might suck, but the work will be great, and I will be working with people equally as good as I am or better. I can finally be challenged at work and I praise God for this opportunity. It came from Him. I pray that I may glorify him in this new position and that the spirit prepares the way.
GOD IS GOOD.
Pray for Jennie and BTown Kids, my Brother Brian has some weird viral infection that is messing with him and impairing his ability to think, and pray for the salvation of my Father.
Finally an UPDATE | | |
| Going to the coast with my dad and brother, going to sleep in a tent, and going to have a sore back. I rarely get a chance to see both my Dad and brother in the same setting. My dad is usually a jollier guy when the three of us are together. I think he likes my brother better because he is in a nonchalant mood when I am visiting him alone. I am the black sheep of the family. My brother is an aspiring biologist and plant lover who followed in the scientific legacy of my parents. God, on the other hand, has gifted me with the ability to express things using art, so I decided to fall off the family-legacy-wagon and become graphic designer. I think I pretty much blacklisted myself with that move. I always enjoy the family guy episode when Chris tells Peter that he just wants to draw and Peter replies with, “You want to draw? Why don’t you just put a knife in my heart.” My dad wasn’t nearly that obtuse, but his demeanor and respect of my profession expresses a feeling of dissent. I love my father though and am continually trying to impress him with my skills to only get half-ass “that’s good son” responses. I knew that this was going the be the greatest compliment I would ever get from my father when I won a national art competition in High School and was selected as a finalist for graduate admission into the Yale school of Art and got lovely lackluster responses of, “that’s good, but art really isn’t that hard.”
The other thing that separates me from my dad and brother is that I am a follower of Christ. I pray every day that my dad and brother come to know the truth and love that can only come from a relationship with Christ. It would be a miracle to have a conversation with my dad regarding God without him getting bitter and pissed off. I am guessing that my father was harmed or judged by the church, so now he associates their judgments with God’s judgments. This is the one thing I have had to learn during my walk — the church is comprised of humans, therefore it has sin, and sins against other people, but that is why Christ has redeemed us with his blood. Unfortunately some people cannot separate the two and I am hoping that God will give me opportunity to communicate to my father that the Church and God are two totally different things, and that the judgment of one does not always reflect the feelings of the other. If you get a chance pray for this weekend and the hearts of my family.
Anyway I hope the weekend goes well. It will be a nice break nonetheless.
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| Okay…I’m an ass. I have this strange problem…it is called diarrhea of the mouth. My mother introduced this term to me when I was ten years old and decided to share something about our miserable home life, which she did not want a particular person to know about. I have never seemed to shake this problem, and unfortunately I have embarrassed others and myself as the side effects of this terrible disease. I don’t know if it’s a nervous twitch or some sort of defense mechanism. Either way I am no longer the only recipient of it’s horrible results. I ended up spilling the beans on my wife, which was a total bonehead move, and I totally regret it. It was not worth the small laugh and now I am utterly irritated with myself and want to launch myself into isolation so I cannot be allowed to make these kind of stupid mistakes. I find myself at my best when I am riding alone on my bike. On Sunday after I did something stupid I rode my bike attempting to escape the rift that I ultimately caused and I just kept riding so that I could get as far from my situation as possible. Once I got to Forest Grove, which is 25 miles from where I live, I knew that I needed to turn around because I had another 25 miles to go to return home. I had a rough time getting home. I worked so hard to get far away that I was exhausted for the return trip. I was dehydrated, cramping, and hungry. I knew that I was weak and didn’t have the physical stamina to ride home as fast as I had rode away. I think that this is a perfect physical metaphor of how running away from problems is a poor decision. You eventually have to turn around and deal with them and the further you run from them the harder you have to work to even get back to the issue and deal with it. I unfortunately am still in that phase where I feel ashamed and want to escape it other than rebuilding that which I have destroyed. I guess if I’m going to be a screw up then I need to get used to fixing things that I break. I will just pray that God heals me of this desire to fit in, or whatever makes me feel as if I need to over share with people for either a laugh or an interesting conversation. I think I am going to take this next weekend off and re-focus on God and re-learn how to treat my wife like Christ treats his bride, and not be such an insensitive idiot. | | |
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